4 in the morning, and the beach is already overcrowded with people gathering for the sunrise.
People, yes, but hippie spiritual crystals and smudge type of people. So much for pīkai after an intense evening of channeling spirits to communicate with the living. An hour later, as the first purple velvet lights peek over the Ko'olau mountains, I can see clearly that rain clouds are soon covering the Mānoa mountains. It is there that I'm going to cleanse in the Tuahine rains. The night was longer than I anticipated. The family that asked for help is a very well-to-do 'ohana. The father couldn't understand why, despite having all the money, he couldn't relieve his son of this one ailment: possession. When I arrived at the Maunalua ridge security gate, the phone rang in the guard shack. Glaring at me as if I were supposed to crumble, the security guard answered the phone."Front gate, go," he blustered with his chest out and his lats fully extended in his tight-fitted uniform. "Rodger," he replied to whoever was on the other side of the phone. Without a word, he exited the shack, jumped into his mini golf cart, and took off. When he realized I wasn't behind him, he made a quick U-turn and sped right up to my driver's side window. "Hello! Don't you see I'm leaving? Follow me and stay close. Like right on my six!"
I obliged, of course. As Doug took off and I stayed right on his six or his rear end or his ass or whatever, all the way until we got to the house in question. We went uphill for three blocks, took a right turn, and then a couple of lefts until we arrived at the destination. The security guard in his little penis mobile made an abrupt stop, but I didn't. I'm not saying it was purposeful, but he did say to stay right on his six. Is it my fault that I nudged the golf cart just a little bit, even though the wheels were locked, and it skidded six more feet? Mr. Puffed up wanna be military elite made a beeline for me, but I was already halfway there, ready to plunge my instep between his two toothpicked legs. However, the person who requested my services inserted himself between the two of us. Turns out, he developed the entirety of Maunalua ridge, and he liked it so much that he decided to build a house and live there with his family.
"Doug," he said to the security guard. "Stop being a fucking asshole and get back to your shack."
Glaring at me, Doug, the security guard, waddled back to his golf cart. As he sped past, I gave him half a peace sign. "Thank you for your wanna be service."
"Mr. K, I'm Travis Lehman," he said, shaking my hand. "I am so sorry for Doug; he means well, but goes overboard a lot. He's also my brother, and believe it or not, because of how much of a fuck up he's been throughout his life, the best thing for him is to be a security guard. Not too much interaction with people and too much responsibility." Giving me the once over, Travis said, "It seems like you're more than just a Kahuna, then?"
"I don't suffer fools," I replied. "So, how can I help you?"
"Follow me," Travis led the way. The house was a large two-story house with many bedrooms and bathrooms on both floors. Through the front entrance, we took a right down the hallway to a room at the end. Travis's wife was sitting on a chair next to a bed, where their son sat with his back against the headboard. There were no introductions; Travis didn't have a chance. As soon as he saw me, the son began talking.
"Mr. K, such a storied life you've lived," he looked at me with piercing eyes. "You don't put up with foolish people because of how you were treated in your early life. That's a good thing. It's actually funny when I think about it. It's almost like watching a comedy in real life." The boy chuckled. "I'm Teo," he said, placing his hand over his heart and bowing. "The honor is mine."
"Mine as well," I bowed back. Turning to the boy's mother, I bowed as well. "My apologies for being so rude. I'm Kamaka."
"Vainui," the woman smiled and bowed her head slightly. "Thank you for coming."
"Do you want my assessment now, or later?" I turned to Travis.
"You've only just met my son," Travis said, taken aback. "How can you tell anything after only a few words?"
"Your son doesn't show any signs of possession," I answered. "I actually think he's clairvoyant. He might very well be channeling the energy of what this place used to be and more than likely, still is."
"Can you explain further?" Vainui stood up and sat at the foot of Teo's bed.
"This entire ridge that you developed was a very powerful heiau," I began. "But I'm sure you already knew that, Travis, even before you began building on top of this place, yes?"
Travis made no honest reply except to shrug his shoulders and nod. "Everything is embedded in the lepo, the very soil. By everything, I mean the spirits. Your son is clairvoyant, and he's been speaking with all the spirits that reside here. So, it's not possession, it's communication."
"I thought so," Vainui said. "We have people like my son in Tahiti. It makes sense now."
"That's it? So, what do we do now?" Travis asked.
"I have a very trusted friend that I highly recommend," I said while taking out my cell phone. "I'm texting you that link right now. She'll guide Teo as much as you want her to. If and when you want it to stop, just tell her and she'll stop, and that's pretty much it."
"That's really a great relief," Travis sighed. "What do I owe you for your services?"
"Nothing," I replied.
"Oh, we have to give you something?" Vainui stood up and took my hands in hers. "Travis?"
"My wife won't take no for an answer," Travis insisted.
"He's sincere," Teo interrupted. "Money is not important in these matters. His ancestors reward him with their knowledge; that's enough for him. My mother is going to put some food together for you to take home. Is that acceptable?"
"Food Vai? Don't insult the man!" Travis shook his head.
"It's not an insult, Dad," Teo said.
Vainui led the way to the kitchen, while Travis stayed in the room with Teo. "Take some sweet bread from Molokai and a few sticks of Salami, and some cheese. Also, here are some mangoes from my backyard. Let me also give you a couple of bottles of my homemade tea!"
Before I knew it, I had a whole box to carry back to my car. Travis, Vainui, and Teo walked me to my vehicle and waved a fond goodbye, but not before Travis slipped something into my pocket without my knowing. When I found it later, it was $1,500.
Speeding up to the security shack at the bottom, I screeched up to the window where Travis' brother sat intently watching a blank screen with static on it. I beeped the horn, bringing Doug out of his fugue state. Pulling back the window and simultaneously rolling my window down, I tossed a handful of pa'akai from Hanapēpē in Doug's face. He screeched and screamed in a high, shrill voice while the steam came out of his pores. The steam turned black and eventually was carried away on the wind. Doug was whole now, and his possession was over. I took off down the road and merged onto Kalaniana'ole. When I got to Kaimana Beach, I found the place festooned with all kinds of hippies of every level. The great thing is that none of them were naked. Seeing the Mānoa mountains covered with rain as the sun came up over the east, I drove in that direction seeking the blessings of the Tuahine'omānoa. One more day, one more blessing of knowledge from the ancestors.
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