Laura didn't love herself because of her weight, but we loved her because she was funny and insightful.
She had an inner light that made people naturally gravitate to her. She loved children and always talked about having a herd of them someday. It would only be a matter of course that she and her family would have to live in a huge house. Our kids adored her; whenever she came to our home, she always had something for our little ones, candies, toys, clothes, and costumes. Geezus, they loved playing costumes with Laura until they were all worn out and ready for bed. In her daily life, Laura endured rude comments from stupid people, and even though she knew how to make a quick comeback or laugh it off, those things really hurt her. I knew she could take care of herself, but shit like that would piss us off too. We wanted to punch out so many people, but Laura never let us do that.
"I'd feel bad if you guys got in trouble because of me," she'd say.
"It's worth it," we'd tell her. "You're family to us; we love you."
There was one thing Laura wanted more than anything else: love. She desperately wanted to be loved by someone for who she was. "All I need is a chance," she once said. But I'd only attract flies with my look because I'm a cow."
............
One day, a man walked into the store where Laura worked and completely charmed her. He was a few years older than her, but theirs was a whirlwind romance. She told us everything about him. They'd already been on three-weekend vacations, one to Maui, the other to Kauai, and the last one to Kona. He proposed marriage. Laura didn't appear as if it had all gotten away from her; she was content and taking it all in stride.
"You finally got what you always wanted. Why are you not all jumping up and down and hugging us?"
She spoke before we could ask her what the matter was. "I'm just worried that this is all too good to be true and that the shoe's gonna fall sooner or later."
"What do you mean? Are you trying to jinx this whole thing?" my wife asked.
"No, you don't understand. Women like me who look the way I look don't get happily ever after. It's always some cruel joke in the end......see, I believe that in my past life, I was someone who mercilessly harassed fat people like myself. Now, in this life, I'm the fat one, and I have to suffer for what I did before," she spoke with such clarity that it was alarming and heartbreaking at the same time.
"That's full of shit," I scolded her. "You can't fuckin believe that's true? Don't do this to yourself, Laura, don't self-sabotage! You deserve this; you deserve to be happy! YOU, Laura Mendoza!"
"I love you guys, but the two of you are old, and you're off the dating market; I can't even get in the door!" She cried tears that were all her cumulative hurts and heartaches, all bundled into a stream of tears.
"What are you talking about? You're on the shelf and the best product the store has!" I insisted.
"I'm one whole aisle stupid," she deadpanned. My wife and I held on to her while the three of us cried together. There were no words, just a moment of support for someone we loved dearly.
It turns out that Laura's fears were legitimate and that her happiness was truly short-lived. Shaun Rasuman was married, and the way Laura found out was when Shaun's wife, Marlie, walked into her store and told Laura who she was. The woman wasn't mad and didn't cause a scene; she simply handed Laura Shaun's phone and had her look at a thread of group text messages between Shaun and his friends. According to the e-mail that Laura would send us later, she would say, "It was all a joke; they had this running gag where they would bet each other a large amount of money, like $20,000, as to who could get the fattest girl to fall in love with them and who could take it the farthest. If you haven't already figured it out, Shawn won the bet when he proposed, and I accepted."
Marlie Rasuman pointed to Laura's finger, "That's my mother's ring he gave you."
Laura looked down and took a deep breath. Calmly, she removed the ring and handed it to Marlie.
"What do you mean? Are you trying to jinx this whole thing?" my wife asked.
"No, you don't understand. Women like me who look the way I look don't get happily ever after. It's always some cruel joke in the end......see, I believe that in my past life, I was someone who mercilessly harassed fat people like myself. Now, in this life, I'm the fat one, and I have to suffer for what I did before," she spoke with such clarity that it was alarming and heartbreaking at the same time.
"That's full of shit," I scolded her. "You can't fuckin believe that's true? Don't do this to yourself, Laura, don't self-sabotage! You deserve this; you deserve to be happy! YOU, Laura Mendoza!"
"I love you guys, but the two of you are old, and you're off the dating market; I can't even get in the door!" She cried tears that were all her cumulative hurts and heartaches, all bundled into a stream of tears.
"What are you talking about? You're on the shelf and the best product the store has!" I insisted.
"I'm one whole aisle stupid," she deadpanned. My wife and I held on to her while the three of us cried together. There were no words, just a moment of support for someone we loved dearly.
............
It turns out that Laura's fears were legitimate and that her happiness was truly short-lived. Shaun Rasuman was married, and the way Laura found out was when Shaun's wife, Marlie, walked into her store and told Laura who she was. The woman wasn't mad and didn't cause a scene; she simply handed Laura Shaun's phone and had her look at a thread of group text messages between Shaun and his friends. According to the e-mail that Laura would send us later, she would say, "It was all a joke; they had this running gag where they would bet each other a large amount of money, like $20,000, as to who could get the fattest girl to fall in love with them and who could take it the farthest. If you haven't already figured it out, Shawn won the bet when he proposed, and I accepted."
Marlie Rasuman pointed to Laura's finger, "That's my mother's ring he gave you."
Laura looked down and took a deep breath. Calmly, she removed the ring and handed it to Marlie.
"You're not? I mean, he didn't?" Marlie didn't know how to ask the question.
"I'm not pregnant," Laura fought with everything she had to not cry in front of Marlie.
"There was an awkward silence after that, but only for a second," Laura wrote. "Shaun's wife was so tall and beautiful, why wasn't he satisfied with her? Why did he have to pick me, of all people? Why did I have to fall for it?
That was the end of her e-mail; there were no clues as to what would happen in the aftermath, and we wouldn't really find out until we saw it on the news. Laura crashed her SUV into a concrete pillar below the Waialae overpass. Witnesses say her car was traveling at a high rate of speed when it blew the red light at the intersection fronting Market City Shopping Center. The vehicle literally disintegrated once it hit the pillar. Laura died on impact; she was completely sober. There's no revenge story here, and I'm not sure what happened to Shaun Rasuman, and I don't care. I know that Laura's spirit is unsettled and that on certain occasions, whether night or day, there's an indentation on the far side of our couch where Laura always used to sit. Whenever it appears, the dogs jump up on the sofa and curl up around that spot; it doesn't bother them. Even our kids pile up in that space like they'd pile on Laura and fight for a place on her lap. They say suicide is a mortal sin and that after you die, it leaves you floating about in a pointless limbo, but if Laura's version of limbo is sitting on our couch, then that's fine.
We think about her all the time.
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