Ghosts Next Door

Ghosts Next Door
by Lopaka Kapanui

Aug 7, 2019

100 Ghost Stories Counting Down To Halloween 2019 #87


I'm very passionate about specific issues political and otherwise. So, when I am called to bless or cleanse a home or business or what have you, the last thing I ask about is someone's religious or political affiliation. That sort of thing is none of my business.
A few years back, there was someone who was ever-present in the media who made it perfectly clear that he did not care for Hawaiian issues and so forth. Initially, I wrote him off as just another political blowhard, that is until he went after the Hawaiian charter schools. At that time, my daughter was attending a charter school that was making leaps and bounds in their new aged educational process. In the 8th grade, she was at the top of her class in all aspects. Needless to say, I took this politician's attack of Hawaiian charter schools very personally.


Wednesday 6:23 am 2010.

I was still nursing a glass of whiskey five hours after helping a local tattoo artist expel a spirit from one of his clients. It was quite the battle considering that the spirit which inhabited the client's body did not want the tattoo, which was about to be scratched on to the host body. It took all of five hours to find out that the client had a twin brother who died at birth. The spirit who did not get to live was angry, it felt that it was robbed of the life it should have had. The tattoo that was about to be applied to the client's chest was a Sanskrit symbol of releasing and letting go. The spiritual twin did not like it, so it put up a horrible fight by first assaulting the tattoo artist and then his assistants. My showing up didn't make it any better. It took five of the biggest doorman who fronted the shop to hold the client down while the tattoo was applied. At the same time, I used the cleansing ritual to release the client of his twin's spirit. After that was all said and done, I headed to the ocean to cleanse and free my self of any residual negative energies, and then I headed home. Decompressing either takes an hour, or it can be all night. I haven't slept yet even though I was working on the 6th or 7th glass of whiskey. The phone rings right about then. I answer it, but I put it on speakerphone.

"Lopaka Kapanui?" It's a woman's voice. Obviously local and a dominant personality.

"Yeeeaaauuup." Is my reply at six something-ish in the morning.

"I'm going to text you an address. Can you come as soon as possible? Our boss needs his office blessed, it's very urgent." Before I can say no, she texts the address while she's still talking. " 415 South Beretania Street. Honolulu, HI. 96813." Along with the address are a floor and office number. Where have I seen that before?

"Okay," I threw back another sip of whiskey, and I have to say, that last one was nice. "Where is this place, by the way?"

"Just follow the address," the woman's voice replied. "My boss is expecting you, so please come right away, like now."

Before I could come back with some snarky reply, she'd already hung up. I could catch up with her once I got to the location, where ever that was.


15 minutes later, and I'm scraping up change for the parking meter on Richard street. I've got a good hour invested in it, but really I had no plans to stay past twenty minutes. I walk over to my destination on Hotel street, which extends to the breezeway behind the palace, but that's not my destination. It's the state capitol. No wonder why the address seemed so familiar. I won't mention the floor or the office number. What I will say is that when I walked through the office doors. I was stunned for a second. A second later, I was pissed. It was the office of the guy who went after Hawaiian charter schools. I turned around and walked out, and his secretary followed behind me.

“Listen,” she pleaded. “I know, I know, okay? A lot of these offices have Spirits in it, but this one won’t leave our boss alone. Just hear him out, please.”

“I’ve had a long night, and I’m in no mood for bullshit. Tell him to come out here,” I demanded while
pointing at the office door behind her. “Now.”

She quickly pushed the heavy door open and disappeared through the portal that was her office. A short time later, THAT person was standing in front of me. He stunk of cigar smoke. It was literally coming through the pores of his skin. I was gagging at that point. “What the hell?”

“It just happened one day,” he tried to explain sheepishly. “The second I sat in my chair in my office, it was like a puff a smoke appeared out of nowhere and covered me. I haven’t been able to get rid of the smell since. It just gets worse every day."
I just stared at him intensely with no reply, to which he nodded his head and smiled. “Look, I get it. You’re angry too about the whole Hawaiian charter school thing, but really...”

“Shut up,” I interrupted. “You talk way too much.” Pointing at his office door behind him, I said, “Tell everyone to leave your office.”

“Oh, okay,” he was startled. “Uh, where did you want them to go?”

“I don’t know, have them take an early lunch for an hour. Just clear out the office.” I was irritable because of what I realized was happening. It didn’t take long for his people to leave the office; it seemed like they were shaken up over their boss's condition as well. “Alright,” I looked at him. “Take me to your space in this office.”

We maneuvered around some tables, partitions, and some desks until we were standing in his office. The second we were in, I locked the door behind us, and I looked him dead in the eye. “Take your clothes off down to your underwear.” He gave me that look for a second like I was a lunatic, and maybe I was, but this was not the time for a pissing contest. I slowly enunciated my words so that he knew I meant business. “TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF DOWN TO YOUR UNDERWEAR.”

He complied quickly but made sure to let me know that he was sure to call security if any funny business was about to transpire. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’re not the first person in this building to walk around in their office with only their underwear on.”

“Look, can we just speed this along and get her done?” He was tense and agitated, but I didn’t care.

“No, we can’t because I have to ask you a few questions first. Like, did you do something stupid to piss off any of the previous admin types?” I asked.

“Like who? A lot of people are pissed at me, so take a number.” He shrugged his shoulders.

“I’ll be more specific,” I began. “Did you do anything to change the history or makeup of this building?”

He thought for a long while until his eyes perked up, and he bounced on his heels with one finger pointed in the air.  “ I did make one change to the content of the tour that’s given around this building.”

“Oh, really?” I mused. “What was that?”

He said, “Its that stupid story about the late Governor John Burns and how his ghost randomly appears and gives unknowing visitors a personal tour of the Capitol building.”

Yup, along with all of you who are reading this, I wasn’t surprised either.

“Is that the story where people say that they remembered that the ghost of the former Governor smelled like cigar smoke? I asked pointedly. He stared at me for a second, and the lights came on.

“So what do I do now? Should I go up to the oil painting of the late Governor and apologize?” He was practically shrieking with the realization of his fault.

“No,” I shook my head. “Put the Governor’s story back as a part of the tour. Plus, I had intended to cleanse and bless you here in your office, but now that you’ve told me what you’ve told me.....well, it seems that it’s only the ghost of the late Governor who can relieve you of your suffering. Oh, and I think a heartfelt apology would be nice.”

I walked out of his office. The time was running out on my parking meter.


5:34 pm. Same day. Kapahulu Jack-In-The-Box. 2010

His secretary sat across from me while wolfing down her Jumbo Jack. She slid an envelope across the table and mumbled through her food for me to open it. The contents held fifteen hundred dollars in it. All in 100 dollar bills. Usually, I would refuse, but I'm way behind on rent and bills, so I take it and leave. Whew, so the conclusion to this little episode is that even though someone doesn't think or feel the way we do when it comes to ghosts and spirits, we all need the same help. We all need the same kind of light to help understand the subject. Then you have this guy, who unknowingly insulted the ghost of a late Governor who exacted his revenge on the living culprit with cigar smoke. Yup.

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